


Don't assume you know

by Rona23



Series: Merlin´s  magic [52]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon Returns (Merlin), BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Communication Failure, Drama & Romance, Everyone is gay you cannot change my mind, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Mush, Gay disaster Arthur Pendragon, Gen, Good Morgana (Merlin), Honesty, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Merlin is a Little Shit, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Merlin's Neckerchief (Merlin), Merthur - Freeform, Misunderstandings, OOC Gwaine, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Past Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Reincarnation, Romance, Soul Bond, Truth, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 12:13:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30038520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rona23/pseuds/Rona23
Summary: To start things off.Arthur is 23 years old. Gay, and still in the closet.Even as everyone around him seems to come out at their own pace, he himself seems stuck in here.He wants to tell someone, but there are several reasons why he can't.That is... until he's swept off his feet by Martin Emerson. Or, as he calls himself: Merlin.A man who is so utterly and completely strange and so not what Arthur expected destiny to throw at him.Yet... there was something about the boy. He just couldn't put a finger on it.
Relationships: Arthur Pendragon & Percival (Merlin), Elyan & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine/Percival (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Lancelot & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Lancelot & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merlin´s  magic [52]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588378
Comments: 9
Kudos: 82





	Don't assume you know

**Author's Note:**

> I think the story speaks for itself. :) Happy Merthur feelies, ya'll.

To start off the story.... Arthur was 23 years old. He was studying politics and history and was about to decide what to do with his life. Would he become someone who shaped the future, or one who kept digging in the past?  
He had yet to decide which one he found more interesting.

Then again..... everyone was at some point at the crossroad of decisions that would decide upon their life. Arthur wasn't too worried to be honest. 

You know, the thing is.... when you're in school, you're pressured from all sides. Your parents want you to graduate with the best grades.   
Your teachers expect you to become someone noteworthy. Someone who will be important and great and all that junk. And your friends are challenging and betting on who gets how far.  
And you, yourself, want to hide from all this. But you know you have to face it or else you will fail massively.

The closer to graduation you get, the scarier it is. Because you HAVE to know who you will be. Now more than ever.  
You HAVE to choose a path now and follow it till the end, and it will be the most important decision in your LIFE.

It's strange when you leave school.   
From one day to the next, the pressure is just.... gone. All of a sudden. And suddenly it's like... you don't like your job? Alright, try another.   
You don't have the qualifications for this other thing? Yeah, you could do a few practicums here and there, I know a guy who could help with that. Or... well you weren't smart enough for it? Have you considered settling for slightly less in the same department? You even get to know people who are willing to help, it's seriously crazy.

Suddenly time seems endless. And yet it passes so much faster.   
I truly think, teachers are only so hard on their students, because they never left the life that was education. They never got away from the pressure around them. Not really. That's why they are handing it down to you. Because they think, if YOU don't succeed, THEY failed. Which is partly true. It makes them think making a few people noteworthy is worth more than helping everyone get to the right level. Which it's not. That's not the point of education.   
But they never got out of that circle to see it.

Nobody tells you that being able to be anything you want, means you could sit in a garbage truck all day and laugh and joke with your coworkers and then you get home to your TV and your family or friends or whatever you prefer and be happy with that.   
You don't have to get yourself indebted forever and more to get a major in a subject that doesn't even interest you. Even if that would make you oh so important and interesting or whatever. 

Sometimes, things are easier, and worth more, when you're watching from the sidelines.   
I reckon, a football game isn't as fun playing it, as it is betting and cheering on from afar. And it makes it worth for the players too.   
Of course, all that important and well paid stuff is pretty amazing.  
But people underestimate the aesthetic of the simple life. 

It's ok to change your goals half way. It's okay to change. It's okay to fail. We pressure ourselves too much. It's not our fault. It's the one thing school never fails to indoctrinate into our brains.   
You can be more. But you don't have to be.   
You're perfect the way you are. Life is about learning and having fun. Don't be too hard on yourself.  
Everything is easier after school.   
Even not knowing, even being uncertain and indecisive is easier. Because you can still decide to wait another year. You don't have to know right away. It's okay.   
You will be okay. There is always a way left for you to turn. 

Arthur shook his head. Where was he? Right. School. Friends. Future, pressure, finding your path. Right. What did he want to be again?  
He sighed. He still hadn't decided. 

“What I want to be? Myself would be a good start.”, he muttered to himself, as he picked up his homework from the empty seat next to him. 

The station of the university was coming up next and Arthur already wanted to turn around and head home.   
But no. Arthur had fought his father to keep studying his favorite subjects, instead of taking over the Pendragon business ( it was banking related. Stonks ya'll.). He would attend classes everyday and graduate with the best grades he could achieve.  
Because Arthur feared what would happen if he failed to do that.   
He didn't dare think about it.   
Let alone what would happen if he ever came out. 

Oh yeah. This is THAT kind of story. Arthur was gay. He had known since he was thirteen. And never bothered mentioning it. Or rather.... he had bothered a lot.... to NOT mention it.  
He wasn't really afraid of coming out, you know. He just.... decided not to.   
This was a decision he made for himself. He would definitely die alone or in a lonely relationship, but he would be okay. He had decided he would be okay. 

Nobody needed to know that the perfect straight blond fuckboy son of the richest guy in town was actually neither perfect, nor straight, nor a fuckboy.   
And if anyone found out, he'd certainly no longer have a father either.

That was about it.   
Gay people in history pretended to be fine with their marriages all the time. Why wouldn't Arthur be able to do it?  
He would befriend a woman, marry her, keep her happy and at his side and be fine with it.   
Of course he was reminded by his sexuality all the time.   
But it was more distracting than that much of a problem.   
Except it was. It really was. It was a big problem, actually. 

Because the thing is... Arthur had a bigger heart than he let on. He couldn't bare being in a half assed relationship, so he preferred to be the “confirmed bachelor” forever.   
Some people were happy like that too, so he would be fine right?  
Except, Arthur also had the unhealthy problem that he kept falling for people he would actually have a chance with.... if things didn't always somehow get complicated. 

For some reason, he always fell for the gay guy. Which sounds better than falling for the straight one, right?. Wrong. For Arthur it really wasn't.   
Because you see, he had this randomly made up reputation as mentioned straight blond fuckboy. Which meant that even if some poor soul somehow fell for him, they never approached him. Too scared to be laughed at.   
Or worse, Arthur's FRIENDS just decided to ditch them for him.   
And Arthur's friends were everywhere. And the guys Arthur liked always asked them for advise for some reason. 

Which is why Arthur was now 23, still not out and absolutely certain he never would be. He could be fine with that. He would be fine with that. Totally, absolutely.   
He wasn't. 

He was frustrated beyond believe. At least he could focus on school at the moment and just pretend love was a disease and not something worth longing for.   
Because school needed all his attention now. So no dating. It was a rule. An easy rule. A rule that Arthur did not intend to break as long as he was in school.   
The thing is - he wanted to be a teacher. Maybe he was being cruel on himself. He kinda... wanted to be stuck.

The train halted and Arthur sighed as he left the station soon after. The university wasn't too far off. He should be there in a few minutes. 

After indulging in casual self pity for a while, he finally reached the campus and braced himself.   
As expected, there they were. Gwaine, Elyan and Percival.   
Arthur wasn't gonna lie. He's had a crush on each of them at least once. The one on Gwaine only lasted for about two minutes upon first meeting him.   
Then Gwaine had the resentful idea to open his mouth. And that was it.

He also used to have a crush on Elyan. Albeit a small one. That was in seventh grade, when Arthur's parents were separating and Elyan was being the best friend anyone could ever imagine at the time.   
Unfortunately for Arthur, it was the same time he was trying to cover up he was gay and got himself an alibi girlfriend who happened to be.... Elyan's sister.   
Which.... was an absolute horror show.

Don't get him wrong. Arthur had known Gwen far longer than he knew Elyan. And she was just as kind and just as beautiful and the alibi was more for himself than it was a public announcement.   
In fact, they had kept their relationship secret, while Arthur tried to just.... love her.   
He had talked himself into the believe that he could force it upon himself. 

And, because Gwen was such an amazing and wonderful person, it almost even worked.   
And then Elyan came along and introduced himself and crushed all of his hopes in one afternoon. 

Luckily for Arthur, it was Gwen who broke up with him. She said something along the lines of “you're not into this. We should stop. I can tell you're forcing yourself to be happy, when you're not.”  
Arthur still felt guilty about how that went. Gwen still believed his behavior had been about his parents heavy break up. And that Arthur just didn't have the right mindset to focus on a relationship that was still developing. Sooner or later Arthur would have lashed out with his frustrations and Gwen had seen that long before he had. 

She had known that something about the relationship was bothering him. And without asking or making assumptions, she had noticed that and taken the safe way out.   
Arthur didn't blame her for it. Especially since they both went into the relationship to “figure things out”. See how relationships worked and such.   
It had been Gwen's idea. So neither of them had brought that strong feelings into the relationship in the first place.  
That's also how he figured out he couldn't be in a relationship halfheartedly. It lasted about three months.

Arthur really liked to think that Gwen didn't like him much either, because it eased his conscience. He never asked her though. Too scared the question would tare apart their fragile friendship. At the time. Now Arthur just knew she was over it and didn't dare open old wounds.

Gwen and him were still friends. In fact, it was Arthur who had introduced her to her new boyfriend Lancelot.   
Lancelot had been another complicated thing. Arthur was never sure if he just wanted to BE like Lancelot, or if he was mad at him for taking his best friend away or if he was genuinely jealous of Gwen and liked Lancelot himself.   
He never knew. And he didn't want to complicate things. And he wanted Gwen to be happy, so he never indulged in those thoughts long enough to have them develop.  
Lancelot – after all – was just a thought.

Seeing them together and how happy Gwen was now, Arthur was kind of glad it didn't work out between himself and Gwen.   
And he was glad he was able to learn with her how relationships even worked. It was a learning curve, even as a pretentious one. And he hoped that Gwen felt similar about it. 

Back to Elyan. That crush was.... well.... crushed, the day Elyan got himself a girlfriend. Which was roughly a year later, just when Arthur had braced himself to finally come out to him.   
He didn't. He never did. Not to anyone. Not even Gwen. 

About two years ago, Percival stepped into their life. They met him at a bar and Arthur almost fell from the stage, as he saw him.   
Arthur had learned to play the guitar when he was younger and sometimes the local bar asked him to step in, when a band member of the performing group wasn't feeling too well.  
Arthur's dad didn't like it at first. But when Arthur's reputation suddenly became a sort of advertisement for the Pendragon business, he was suddenly all accepting. If not supportive, even. 

Anyway. Meeting Percival got Arthur into another row of problems.   
Let's just say Arthur had a massive crush on Percival. 

It turned out that Percival, however, had a crush on Gwaine. A horrible choice, in Arthur's opinion. Gwaine was a heartbreak on two legs.  
He flirted with everything and everyone. And he gave horrible advice.   
Percival.... believing Arthur was the straightest guy in the entire group, had pretended his crush was …. well.... on Arthur.   
Because the teasing was easier to bare than a rejection from Gwaine would have been.   
Albeit Arthur understood the reason, it was torture for Arthur's heart. 

He had one day overheard Percival ask Gwaine for advice about Arthur. If he should ask him out on a date. Because Gwaine had already been teasing him about it.  
And Gwaine the bastard had said: “don't even try with that one. He's straight as a ruler. You'll only end up hurting yourself.”  
Arthur had fumed on the inside. 

To be fair.... Gwaine's assumption was based on a conversation they had in seventh grade. Gwaine had asked Arthur if he found it weird if guys liked guys.   
And Arthur – recently reminded from his dad what the Pendragon's were supposed to think about homosexuality, had answered: “yeah it is. Isn't it? I'm definitely straight. Haha... hahahaha.”  
Because the question Gwaine asked, had suggested to Arthur, that Gwaine was just like Uther in that regard. Especially with how much Gwaine was already flirting with random girls.   
When Arthur remembered his panicked outburst, he still couldn't believe Gwaine bought it.   
Years later, Gwaine came out as bi, saying: “It would be a shame, would I deny anyone this body.”  
He had looked at Arthur with a challenge in his eyes, but Arthur had choked on his drink, excused himself and never confronted him about it ever again. 

Needless to say. Arthur was jealous of Gwaine's ability to just be out and open and proud. 

To make matters worse, since then, Gwaine told everyone who didn't want to hear it that Arthur was straight. And it made Arthur's life a living hell.   
That conversation had also been the reason why he started dating Gwen in the first place. 

Arthur had then, after hearing Gwaine say this nonsense to Percival, decided to bite into the sour apple and ask Percy out himself.   
Because... at that point … he thought Percival liked HIM. Not Gwaine. 

Only to have Percival notice him from the corner of his eyes and immediately panic. He was running towards Arthur after Gwaine had left and apologized and explaining to Arthur that he had panicked and told Gwaine he liked Arthur, because he actually liked Gwaine and … he PANICKED okay?  
And Arthur should just pretend he didn't know of anything.   
And that this wasn't how he had wanted to come out to the guys and he practically begged Arthur not to be a homophobic asshole. Because apparently that's what Gwaine suggested to everyone he was.

Arthur had just.... shut down after that. That had hurt so much, had him so fucking damaged, that the crush was immediately over. He remembered walking up and saying to Percival, if he liked Gwaine, he should just fucking tell him. Because joking about who you love was just fucking cruel to everyone involved.  
Percival had been more than shocked at that. But never asked Arthur what he had been talking about. And like that... Arthur felt abandoned by Percy too.   
Which he would later be thankful for, because it helped him getting over his crush.

Arthur quit the football club right after. He didn't think he could deal being in close proximity to guys anymore. (Especially since Percy had joined the team.)

And that's when he had realized and accepted, that he would die alone. He'd be fine, he told himself. Being alone isn't bad.   
It only is, if you don't want to be. And Arthur didn't really know, if he really wanted to get too close to anyone. 

….

“Have you heard? There is this new guy here. He's studying medicine. But he's also into history now. I heard he's a genius. You know doctor Smith right? The guy who's obsessed with middle aged medicine and keeps annoying us with that?  
The new kid just roasted him in the middle of class. Honestly, I have no clue what that was even about. But this kid basically told him everything he knew was bullshit.  
It was crazy, I tell you. Never seen good ol' Smith so mad.”

Ah yes. Elyan was studying medicine. A new kid? (Kid.... they were over twenty now.)

“What's that about a new guy? Where's he from? Isn't it a bit strange to just change schools in the middle of a semester?”, Arthur popped in. He usually wasn't fond of gossip. But a guy who managed to roast Dr. Smith on his favorite subject had to be pretty amazing. 

“Hey, Arthur.”, Elyan smiled and the other greeted him as well. 

Arthur crossed his arms dejectedly, waiting for a response for his questions. It was his standard reaction to their fond smiles. It was subconscious, but Arthur rather kept his distances.   
“Yeah well. Apparently he had a fall out with his previous professors too. I think he came out at his last school and his teachers didn't like it.”

Arthur's face twitched. Ah yes. Of course the new kid was gay and out and proud. As they all were at this age. Gwaine rolled his eyes. He had noticed his reaction.   
“Seriously Arthur. He's gay, not sick, stop making that face.”  
Of course Gwaine had noticed his reaction. And as always... misunderstood.   
Gwaine shook his head disapprovingly. “Arthur honestly. Half your friend group is gay. You should really get used to people coming out by now.”

Percival's eyes narrowed in confusion as he looked between Arthur and his own boyfriend. (They had sorted things out about a year ago. Thanks to Arthur, actually. Percival had personally thanked him for the painful advice.)  
Percival was probably the only one in their group who had noticed that Arthur's reactions weren't negative per se. It was more like Arthur was bracing himself for something each time homosexuality was mentioned.   
That he was genuinely scared of something. Percival was a lot more perceptive than Gwaine and Elyan were.   
Elyan was good dealing with emotions. But he wasn't that great detecting them.   
And Gwaine was a whole wreckage of everything really.  
Unfortunately, were Percival noticed such things more easily, he failed completely to interpret them correctly. 

Arthur growled inwardly. Could you blame him? He was scared he might like the new dude. Because those kind of feelings always appeared when he least needed or expected them. So he had decided to just always expect it.   
And this new kid certainly sounded like the type Arthur fell for. The rebellious type who stood up for himself. Courageous and such, you know?  
Now, if only he looked the part, then Arthur was going to be doomed.  
So he lied. Okay... half lied. “I just don't like that he had to transfer at all. His teachers must have really sucked, if it was that bad.”

Gwaine blinked, surprised by Arthur's sincere retort. It wasn't much of a lie, after all.

“Fine. Still. You're completely on edge, Arthur. Haven't seen you this uncomfortable, since Percival and I started dating.”  
'If you knew why, you wouldn't be surprised.', Arthur didn't say, but certainly thought.

Arthur sighed and grabbed his bag tighter. “Can you blame me? Percival could do so much better. I pity him.”  
Gwaine grinned, only half offended. “You're just jealous.”  
Arthur startled, but steeled his expression. Gwaine didn't know shit after all.   
“Haha.”, he started to say sarcastically, when something caught his friend's attention.

“Oh look. That's him. That's the new guy.”, Elyan grinned and turned around to wave at someone.   
Arthur's back straightened a little further. Nope. He was not going to do this.   
He would NOT fall for the guy. He wouldn't even look at him. No matter how tall or kind he was. Or...

The boy who came over was definitely not Arthur's type. 

Arthur blinked with surprise and sudden relieve and felt his shoulders relax. The boy was rather gangly, and only slightly taller than Arthur. But he was skinny and rather pale. He had pretty big ears too.   
Arthur was more into the..... let's say broad kinda guys. Tall, muscly and such.   
What could he say? He did have a bit of a type. And that was everything that resembled the knight in shiny armor stereotype.

And then the boy came closer and something inside Arthur dropped anyway.   
His eyes widened. No... the boy definitely wasn't his type. But... he looked familiar.   
Confused, Arthur opened his mouth to say something.  
And then their eyes met. Arthur immediately cursed himself for letting his guard down.

Piercing blue eyes looked right into his soul and Arthur felt himself grow hot all over. He had never been looked at like this. And the boy who was now merely a few meters away from them looked dazzling beautiful in the sun light.   
His hair was black and curly and maybe a bit too long. He had a beard.... which was not unusual for university. But Arthur had never been into that. Why.... why was he now?  
He may be gangly and it seemed he was quite clumsy as well, but that was somehow adorable. 

In fact.... everything about him screamed “not what Arthur's into”, and yet Arthur found himself enchanted. 

'Do I know him?', Arthur wondered in his mind. And for a brief second he saw memories flashing in his mind. None of them made sense.   
There was him, in armor with swords and shields and horses. And Percival and Elyan and Gwaine were there as well.   
And then there was this gangly kid. But without the beard. He had a lopsided grin and an earnest expression and something that just... radiated home. Even when he looked scared and hid behind a tree trunk.   
Or when he stood in Arthur's chambers (Chambers?), collecting Arthur's clothes. (Clothes?)

A crashing sound woke Arthur from his confusing daydreams.   
The boy had let his bag fall down on the ground. He mouthed something that sounded like “Arthur”. But Arthur must have imagined it, because there was no way that the boy knew his name.

“Oh boy.”, Arthur faintly heard Gwaine chuckle. “I know we're all hot, but I've never seen someone gay panic that hard.”

Arthur's breath caught in his throat. No no no. Gwaine couldn't make such accurate jokes right NOW. He let his guard down for one goddamn second, because this guy didn't look like his usual type and now he was already swept off his feet. This was not good.   
He didn't even know the guy's name!  
If anyone was panicking, it was HIM!

“Arthur?” The boy said again merely a few meters away. He stood at the first step of the stairs that Arthur had skipped up to meet his friends. Arthur was looking down at him and the boy looked up and it made his heart beat way faster than it should.

Arthur blinked. Suddenly three heads turned towards him in confusion. “Do you know him?”, Gwaine asked.   
Arthur shook his head.   
“Are you sure? You look like you.... oh no Arthur. You didn't bully him in elementary school or something, did you?”

Arthur wanted to punch Gwaine in the face. Really? THAT'S what he thought was happening?  
A gay kid being confronted by his childhood bully? How on earth did Gwaine always manage to be SO OFF!   
Arthur didn't even know the guy. What were those memories anyway?

“Arthur, is that really you?” The boy slowly, cautiously walked closer. Taking two steps at once. And Arthur felt like -. His mind stopped that thought before he could form a fitting metaphor.

“I don't think I know you.”, Arthur responded and fought his instinctual fight or flight response.   
The boys eyes only widened as he heard Arthur's voice.   
“It IS you.”, the man stopped again. And... why the hell was he crying? God damn it. What the hell was happening? What did Arthur do?

Arthur's panic manifested as a form of a chuckle, as his friends send him confused and angry(?) glares.   
“Arthur?”, now Elyan asked. “You made the new kid cry!”, he accused him, as if Arthur had done ANYTHING at all.  
Arthur's panic increased. Why were they mad? They had no right to be mad! Arthur didn't DO anything! What could he do? What was he supposed to do? “I'm telling you. I have NO idea who that is!”

The boy blinked back to reality. “Oh, no no no. I'm sorry. This isn't... you wouldn't....”, the boy laughed cautiously but couldn't turn his eyes off of Arthur, even as he scratched his neck.   
Clearly overwhelmed.   
“My name is Merlin.”, he finally said and held out his hand towards them. Or rather, towards Arthur. He had finally managed to stand only a level below them. That's where he had stopped.   
“It's …. “, he stopped himself. He was breathing rather harshly. 

Arthur slowly reached out to shake the man's hand and then pulled it away immediately, as if burned.   
Arthur nervously looked at his friends. Who were still frowning at him. As if Arthur had just done something really bad. 

Merlin finally looked at the others, as if he only recognized them now. Wait... recognized them?  
Arthur blinked to make sure he wasn't just seeing things. No... they guy definitely seemed to recognize them.

“Gwaine? Elyan? Percival?”, he asked each of them. The three guys blinked and turned around to face the new kid.   
“What?” They now seemed to get Arthur's confusion. Because neither of them knew the guy either.

Merlin's mouth opened, before he suddenly beamed. “I can't believe it.”, he said like the absolute mad man he was.   
“You're back! You're finally -.”  
More tears fell down his cheeks and Arthur was rendered speechless.  
His instincts told him to be protective of this boy. To make him stop crying. But Arthur was horrible at consoling people.

“Am I imagining it or is this guy really weird.”, Gwaine leaned over to whisper into Arthur's ear, but Arthur finally shook him off and walked forwards to put a calming hand on the new guys shoulder. The shoulder touch. Arthur's most emotional support tactic. Because he was terrified of touching people.   
As a result he was also touch starved, but he blamed that on his upbringing.   
He had never learned to deal with comfort. Needless to say, he was horrible in handing it out.

His friends watched him confused. The Pendragon shoulder touch was a rare one. And reserved for his bestest of friends. It wasn't like him to hand it out to random strangers.

He could hear the gasp, they made in utter shock. But Arthur was feeling too conflicted to mind it.

Something about this guy made Arthur feel weirdly soft inside.   
“Hey, er....”, Arthur tried and was suddenly faced with the boy's eyes only a few inches away from him. The boy looked into his eyes intently, like he wanted to rip out his soul and keep it completely for himself.   
Arthur shuddered.   
“Could you explain what's going on? How do you, er...”

Arthur was caught off guard as he suddenly had a whole Merlin in his arms. His crying face buried in his chest. Arthur's eyes were wide as he hadn't expected such a heavy reaction.   
This guy acted like they knew each other. Like he thought they were all dead.   
Confused, he send his friends a scared look. But they seemed just as irritated as Arthur felt. And Arthur could push the boy away himself, if he so desired.   
Hesitantly, Arthur did the opposite and clapped a hand on the boys shoulder.

Another memory flashed before his eyes.   
He remembered a sharp pain in his guts. A weakness in his veins and a warm presence surrounding him. “Hold me please.”, Arthur remembered himself saying. What the hell kind of memory was that?  
When on earth would Arthur ever....

They boy stiffened under his touch. Wait.... had Arthur said that out loud? He flushed. That's rare too. Arthur never flushed!

Thankfully it was barely loud enough for Merlin to hear apparently. And Merlin didn't seem to think that sentence was weird.   
Arthur shook his head in confusion, as the boy slowly looked up at him. Then he suddenly clasped his hands around Arthur's face, studying him calmly, considering the fresh tear stains on his cheeks. 

“You... you remember that?”, the boy asked. As if that was a memory they both shared. “Wait what?”, Arthur asked confused and leaned back from him. The boy was too close. TOO close.   
Though Arthur found, he wouldn't mind if the boy came even closer.

“Remember what?”, Arthur asked and inhaled the boy's smell. It was familiar. Layered under modern scents, there was something Arthur recognized.   
And he remembered cold nights under the stars. Sleeping side by side to that face.

The boy swallowed, before he looked behind Arthur.  
The knights... wait... why did Arthur's mind refer to them as knights?  
His friends were staring at the scene, completely flabbergasted. Usually, Arthur would have pushed the boy away. But Arthur's limbs felt unable to function at the heavy reaction.

Merlin let go off Arthur's face. A traitorous part of him already missed the warmth of those hands. 

“It's.... it's nothing. Sorry. I must have.... mistook you for someone I …. used to know.”  
Merlin swallowed very unconvincingly. He didn't look like he believed that. He looked like he knew exactly what he had said and meant and apparently known. There was no way Merlin had mistook all of them for people with the exact same names anyway.   
Arthur stared at him. Watched how Merlin wiped off his tears, before excusing himself. No. That guy knew something about them.   
He had recognized them. Just what on earth was all this about?

“Merlin, wait.”, Arthur called after him.   
The boy who was about to leave, and clearly overwhelmed by whatever was happening, slowly turned around. “Yeah?”  
Arthur felt his heart beat increase yet again (how was that even possible?), at the boy's hopeful expression. This was not good. Arthur didn't even know what to say to him. But he didn't want him to leave.   
This wasn't good. This would end in humiliation and heartbreak. Arthur just knew it. 

He stared at him for a moment. Completely uncertain what to say. “Don't be such a girl.”  
Oh god no, he didn't just insult him, did he?  
God, Arthur was a disaster.  
He could basically feel Gwaine's groan vibrating over the entire Campus. 

But Merlin grinned in disbelieve. As if what Arthur just said was the best thing anyone could have ever said to him.   
“Clotpole.”, he said back. Soft and fond. Arthur blinked.   
Why did that sound familiar, too?

In a matter of seconds the boy had disappeared for class. 

“Can someone explain to me what the fuck just happened?”, Gwaine interrupted his thoughts yet again.   
“Who was that guy? How did he know our names?”

Arthur turned around with a confusedly thoughtful expression.   
“I don't know.”, he responded without looking at Gwaine.   
Until said man knocked him on the head with his hand. “Seriously, Arthur. What were you THINKING! First you're being nice as hell and THEN you insult him? Are you nuts?  
He's clearly interested in you! Are you blind or something? Honestly!”  
Gwaine was scolding Arthur, but Arthur wasn't really listening. What was he scolding him for anyway?

“Hey, did you guys notice that his name is Merlin? Like that old sorcerer from the Arthurian legend?”, Arthur asked, slightly irritated. 

“Maybe it's a nickname. I thought his name was Martin.”, Elyan frowned. Clearly confused why that is what Arthur was latching on to.  
Arthur didn't know why he said that either.

“Oh, Arthur. Not that again. That joke was funny in middle school. We're adults now.”, Gwaine rolled his eyes. “I will not call you your majesty, even if you beg for it, princess.”  
And like that, their usual atmosphere was back.   
Only.... that Arthur felt like he had just found something. And irritably, like Merlin had just taken something from him. Something that had bothered him for longer than he had known.   
He suddenly felt.... lighter? Did that make sense?

Gwaine's little inside joke, by the way, went back to that fateful year in 9th grade, when they met Lancelot and realized that each and every one of them had a name that was pretty similar to the names of Characters in the Arthurian legend. They called themselves the knights of the round table. When they grew older, the joke became less and less funny.

Arthur shook his head. Right. That was a stupid thought. If he was honest, he would admit that he had always been rather fascinated by the Arthurian legend. He was pretty sure his father had a similar obsession with it as did his father before him. Why else would his father be called “Uther”, while Arthur got the name of the legendary king himself?  
Sometimes he wondered if he chose his friends based on their names.   
Or if that was coincidence too. 

It was this very moment that the school bell rang. Arthur shook his head. Right... he got history now. 

\---------------------------------------------------

Merlin was in his class.  
Of course he was. Arthur was fated for misery. And of course, the seat next to the new guy was empty.   
Look, this was university. Some seats were always empty.   
But Arthur knew that this guy was new. He'd have lots of trouble finding friends, if he didn't make any now. And Arthur always thought it was kinda his responsibility to make everyone feel welcome.   
Also there was something about him that just.... drew Arthur in. Against his will.

So he did the least reasonable thing for his poor heart and sat down right next to the guy. He almost immediately cursed himself. Because he was sweating with nerves.   
But he couldn't just leave now. The new guy would feel insulted. Or bullied? Arthur wasn't sure. He just knew it would be bad. So he stayed.

Merlin looked up from his notes. Those.... were a lot of notes.   
Strange. Half of those notes looked extremely old. Like year after year the boy had added on to them. The handwriting was always the same, so much Arthur could tell. So there was no doubt the boy did write all of those himself.  
But some of those writings looked like they faded out half a century ago. It didn't help that the paper itself looked equally as old. 

“Hi. Merlin, right?”, Arthur asked and cursed himself. The boy had just introduced himself. Ten minutes ago. Arthur was a mess.

“Yeah. You're Arthur Pendragon.”, Merlin said, as if he hadn't already proven that he knew his name.

Arthur blinked and opened his mouth in confusion. “Yeah. Could you tell me how you know that?” After all, Arthur had never introduced himself. Even if the guy had said it earlier, he had yet to explain himself.  
Merlin blinked. “Oh, sorry. I erm...”  
The guy hadn't even come up with a lie. 'Adorable', Arthur's mind unhelpfully commented.

“Would you believe me, if I told you I'm actually a really, really old guy from the medieval times. Like.... 15 centuries old. And you look a crazy lot like the actual king Arthur from the Arthurian legend. Who was my friend. And whose return I've been waiting for?”

Arthur blinked in utter surprise. They guy really had a way to take people by surprise. He looked at him with an open expression. And a grin plastered on his face. Like he was joking. But there was something underneath, that Arthur was certain nobody but him would have detected as easily as he had just now.   
It was a truth hidden underneath a wrong voice. A wrong expression. This guy was not lying. This wasn't a joke.

Arthur was certain you'd have to know this guys for at least ten years to know that look.   
How did Arthur know that look?

“You're serious.”, Arthur stated and tilted his head in irritation.   
Merlin's face froze and he bit his lips. “Nope. Just kidding.”, he said unconvincingly and turned back to his paper, unable to look Arthur in the eyes any longer. He must have realized that Arthur was able to look right through him. Or was Arthur imagining that?

“You don't seem like you're lying.”, Arthur commented. Why. Why? Just why was Arthur so focused on making him confess such nonsense? It was absolutely ridiculous. 

Merlin bit his lip again. “Ha ha. You got me. I'm crazy.”, Merlin flared his hands in front of his face. But the humor didn't quite reach his eyes. He was sad, Arthur realized with a start.  
Why was he sad? Arthur didn't want him to be sad.   
And yet, why could Arthur even see all that?  
Arthur was pretty damn certain the guy could fool a lie detector, if he wanted to. It was a very contradicting observation.

At one point this Merlin guy sighed, wiped a hand over his face and drifted off flipping through his notes. Each paper seemed older than the last. Some of them were so old that Arthur feared Merlin had robbed them from a national museum or something. 

Some part of Arthur wanted to laugh at the scene. But the more he watched, the more he noticed. It felt like that one meme template of Will smith who was pointing with two arms at the obvious signs in front of him. They guy didn't seem like he was lying.  
He was covering up his mental crisis with jokes.   
His stuff was super old. He wasn't ACTUALLY super old now, was he? Or did he just believe it himself?

Arthur clenched his jaw as he made another startling discovery. Why on earth.... HOW on earth did he believe the guy?  
Arthur wasn't exactly naive. He knew that all of this sounded mad. But.... he couldn't help it.   
Merlin seemed too earnest to lie about something like this.   
Especially since he didn't even expect Arthur to believe him.  
So.... at the very least.... Merlin seemed to believe this himself. Maybe he had reasons for that?

“Maybe I do believe you.”, Arthur said nervously. Unsure where that just came from. Maybe he just WANTED to believe such ridiculous nonsense.  
God, if this guy was messing with him, Arthur would feel the full brunt of humiliation later, wouldn't he?

“You don't know what you're believing.”, Merlin chuckled slightly, and grabbed for his bag. Only now did Arthur notice just how old THAT thing was.   
It was a leather bag. But so torn and repaired in so many places that Arthur was certain any other person would have replaced it years ago. This one looked like someone had been using it for at least two centuries. 

“Say, Merlin. Why do I feel you should be wearing a neckerchief?”, Arthur suddenly blurted out. What strange kind of question was that? What kind of conversation was this? It was all over the place!  
Merlin turned around, slowly. Then it were only his eyes that flickered towards him. 

“My neckerchief?”, he asked, slightly startled, but also amused. 

Arthur braced himself for laughter. Or the occasional “I was just messing with you”, he sometimes got, when someone accused him of being gay only to then flick him on the head and say “just kidding, I know you're straight.” Which was horribly ironic. And.... awfully off topic right now.

“What else seems wrong about me?”, Merlin asked. And it should have been an accusation.   
But it was an honest question. As though this guy was testing him. 

“The beard for starters.”, Arthur hesitated. “I mean, it suits you. But -”, Arthur shook his head.   
“Never mind.”

“No no. Go on.”, Merlin stopped him, grinning from ear to ear. Alright, this was getting strange.   
This guy wasn't going to chop of his hair by tomorrow just to appear to Arthur's wishes, right? Because Arthur remembered complimenting that one guy on a hair cut once! And then he suddenly turned up with a different hair style and color every week. And it had been mortifying.

“I.... er. It's just something I THINK is different about you.”

“Different? Compared to when? We just met.”, Merlin noted, precisely what Arthur had thought himself. But Merlin looked still amused, like he knew the answer to that question. 

“I don't know. Is it weird that I feel like I know you from somewhere? But with shorter hair, less fancy clothing and stuff? Have we mt before?”

Merlin studied him for another moment, before taking a deep breath. “Can I test something?”

Arthur froze slightly. “Test what?”

Merlin huffed a laugh. “Okay.”, he sat up straight all of a sudden and turned fully to Arthur.   
“This is going to be weird. But I want to guess some stuff about you.”

Arthur blinked and his attention flickered briefly to their professor who was starting the lesson at the moment. But well.... this was university. Your teachers didn't really care if you followed the lessons or not. As long as you managed to keep up.   
So... Arthur kind of had the time.  
“Alright. Go ahead.”

Merlin smiled that irritating grin again.   
“So, for starters, you are an incredibly closed of person for someone who's actually pretty social.

You are kind of a bully sometimes. But all in all you have a good heart.”

Arthur blushed. “That's.... your impression?”, he asked, because that guess could be made about any of his friends.

“Alright. I'll be more specific then.  
You like oranges more than apples. But only, because you lowkey have to think about Gwaine each time you see one.   
Also, you may like oranges, but you don't like orange juice for some reason. Which is weird, by the way”

Arthur lowkey laughed at that. Truth be told.... that was rather specific. And incredibly accurate.

“Your favorite food is drum sticks.   
Your favorite color is actually blue. Though you pretend it's red, because you think the color suits you better.   
You have neat handwriting, but you hide it, because you don't want people to think you're girly.   
You own jewelry, because you think it's pretty. Even if you tell everyone else it's just because of how expensive they are. 

And well... those are the things I'm rather certain about. But I BET, you love star wars.”

Arthur stared at him with an open mouth. “How on earth, do you know all that?”

Merlin grinned widely. “You don't ever tell anyone you like star wars, do you?”

“Have you met my sister? Last time I watched Star wars with Morgana, she told me about a jar jar bings toy and why it was banned from the stores. I did NOT need that information (1). “

Merlin started laughing. “She.... er...”, Merlin grinned. “Sounds terrifying.”

“She's a witch.”, Arthur nodded seriously. 

Merlin's smiled twitched. There was some kind of guilt forming behind those eyes.   
Something that Merlin probably wanted to remain hidden. 

“Now... can I guess more about you as well?”, Arthur asked. Suddenly very fascinated by this stupid game.   
“Depends. How accurate was I?”  
Arthur blinked and thought about it for a second. Then he frowned. “I don't think you got a single thing wrong.”

Merlin beamed. And Arthur's insides melted at the sight.  
'I haven't seen you smile in three days!', Arthur blinked at the sudden sentence in his head. Thankfully, this time, he hadn't said it out loud. 

And that's how they spend the entire two history lessons. And after that, Arthur thought.... he'd never known someone could ever know him so well.... Without actually knowing him.   
Not that Arthur's own guesses were bad either. It was just.... like they knew each other instantly.   
They exchanged numbers and then they went their separate ways. As Arthur now had politics, while Merlin had biology. 

Not that either of them was focusing on their lesson. They were too fixated trying to beat each other at among us on their phones. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Arthur knew his little obsession with the new guy wouldn't go unnoticed. Would have been strange if it were.   
He was almost constantly on the phone lately. Sending memes to the new kid and discussing the most random things. 

“Arthur, seriously? Again?”, Gwaine just rolled his eyes and snatched the phone out of Arthur's hand. They were sitting in the cafeteria for lunch. It was Friday. And the same behavior had occurred since that very Monday that he had met Merlin.

“Hey! I'm writing with someone.”

“Yeah. The Merlin guy, apparently. Honestly, what's with you lately? If I didn't know better, I'd say you're in love with him. I'm only surprised he's not with us right now.”

Arthur fought his own blush successfully. 'If you knew better, Gwaine? Really?' “He has other friends.”, Arthur defended him.

“Already?”, Gwaine asked surprised. And seemingly suspicious, as Arthur refused to comment on the love part.   
It was a reasonable question. Arthur himself had only sat next to Merlin, BECAUSE he thought the boy was the typical emo boy who struggled getting friends.  
Which he could have not been more wrong about.

“He's a pretty social guy. I think he's hanging with Lancelot and Gwen.”

“Hmm... Good choice.”, Gwaine complimented him.   
“Still, Arthur. He seems like a nice guy. Don't lead him on.”

“I'm not leading him on!”, Arthur frowned and finally managed to snatch his handy back from Gwaine.   
“Really.”, Gwaine said and crossed his arms. “You two are meeting on Saturday, right?”  
“Yeah.”, Arthur frowned. Curse Gwaine for being able to read his messages so fast. “Why?”

“Which one of you asked the other?”, Gwaine tapped his show on the floor, clearly annoyed, as Percival and Elyan tried not to interfere and ate in silence.  
“I asked him.”, Arthur rolled his eyes and tried hard not to blush. He was lucky. He wasn't the blushy kind of guy. Even if he felt hot in the face, he hardly ever got red. For some reason, he still fought the reaction every time he crushed on someone though.   
And he was already crushing on Merlin.... hard.   
No... Arthur wasn't leading him on. If Merlin ever thought he'd have to fall for Arthur, heck Arthur wouldn't complain. He'd be ecstatic. 

Gwaine groaned and covered his face. “Arthur you need to stop doing this.”  
Arthur blinked and took a sip from his juice box, before sending Merlin a gif of a dancing panda. Why? No reason. It just looked funny. 

“Arthur, he might think it's a date.”, Gwaine prodded on.   
Arthur's heartbeat increased. WAS Merlin thinking that? Is THAT why he agreed? That would be amazing.   
“So?”, he managed to say. 

“Arthur! You have to stop playing with people like that! You're STRAIGHT! Fucking act like it!”  
Arthur slowly looked up from his phone. Gwaine didn't seriously just say that, did he?  
There were so many things he wanted to say to Gwaine right now. So many things, just to render him speechless. Would it be bad, if Arthur just went and said :'I'm gay though' and pretended like he thought they all knew?  
Probably. He'd probably loose his friends, he they realized what he had been hiding from them for so long.  
“What on earth does that even mean?”, he said instead. 

Gwaine was fuming. “You know, every time we meet someone cool and they turn out to like you, you ruin everything. Someone starts to like you and you are being nice and all and they think they actually have a chance with you, and then you break their hearts!   
Don't you think it's enough?  
You don't have to force yourself to be fine with flirting with gay people, just because you're terrified of our opinion on your behavior.   
It's not being tolerant, when you're flirting with them.   
I know you're uncomfortable around everyone who's gay.  
And don't lie to me. You ARE being uncomfortable. I'm not blind! You're still not okay with Percy and me and it shows!”

Arthur stared at him. Eyes wide, mouth wide open. Elyan and Percy exchanged a glance that looked like “now he snapped”, like that reaction was reasonable. Like Gwaine was right. 

“What?”, was all Arthur managed to ask. He locked his phone and put it away, to be more present.   
He repeated himself. “WHAT?” Because …. did Gwaine seriously think Arthur was AGAINST their relationship?

“Do you know how much damage control I have to do, to make sure the guys you flirt with don't die of heart break? I know you're still not over Gwen, but do you really have to compensate that by making other people miserable?  
Do you have any idea how many people I regularly have to talk down FOR you. So you don't end up....”

Arthur stood up. Blank rage suddenly blazing from his eyes.   
“I didn't fucking ask you to do that. In FACT, I'd rather you didn't.”, Arthur snapped back at him.   
Gwaine was about to protest.   
“I am NOT still in love with Gwen. I am HAPPY for her. What on earth is -”

“You don't have to pretend, Arthur.”, Gwaine gritted out.

Arthur was breathing heavily. “Pretend?”, he heaved out. He searched for something in Gwaine's eyes. What the hell did Gwaine know about pretending? “What do you think I'm pretending?”  
His voice was hoarse and in disbelieve. 

“HHHEY!”  
A shudder went over Arthur's spine. Merlin. Of course he got here now. And... of course... he was accompanied by Morgana, Gwen and Lancelot. 

“Arthur, hey, what's...”, Merlin stopped in front of the table. Where Gwaine and Arthur were both standing and glaring at each other. His excitement dripped off his face.

“Hey, Merlin.”, Gwaine was the first to answer. And then he narrowed his eyes at Arthur again.   
“I just wanted you to know, Merlin. Just in case you like Arthur more than a friend.... Or consider that happening in the near future.  
He's straight. He's absolutely and unchangeable straight. And if you get too close, you will burn yourself.”

Just like that, Arthur felt like he was slapped in his face. He sank back into his seat. Slumped back into it, actually. He didn't...  
Gwaine wouldn't just....   
But he did.   
Merlin stared between them.   
“Huh?”, he made confused. As if he hadn't even considered such a thing yet.   
Arthur felt exposed. Humiliated. Rejected even. He stiffened. He stared ahead. He didn't even have a say in this. There was no way Merlin would ever consider them being …  
To think Arthur had just gotten his hopes up again. He had begun to gather his confidence again. He had been preparing to come out again after all.   
Just like that.... he was stomped down yet again. 

Gwaine's face was suddenly twisting, as he noticed Arthur's reaction. But he wasn't taking it back. Even if he clearly regretted saying it. Because he interpreted this wrong. As always.  
“I don't understand why you think you have to fool anyone. It's incredibly cruel of you to -”

“Hey hey hey, stop it. What on earth is going on?”, Merlin looked incredibly incredulous at the mere suggestion that this conversation somehow involved him in any way.

Arthur covered his face angrily. What did it matter now anyway? His chances with Merlin were blown. It's not like he would ever get the choice to come out anyway.  
If being straight was what they wanted him to be... then that's what he was going to be.   
It was a childish, petty decision. But Arthur was too exhausted to fight himself.   
With his father monitoring each and every of his personal affairs. Arthur was lucky he could keep his friends, despite them all being “more open” about the subject, according to Uther, anyway.   
Right, he couldn't risk his father catching on either. And blame his friends for “turning him gay”. And boom, soon enough Arthur would get home schooled. 

Just one of the many reasons why he had started dating Gwen. And why they kept it secret. And – simultaneously – why they broke up. And why Arthur had so many troubles coming out. Or rather... keeping in the closet.   
Or choosing a career. Or... just being in general. 

“Look, new kid... Arthur has been my friend for years. I know him, okay? This isn't about you, this is about HIS actions.   
I'm doing you a favor, alright?”

Merlin blinked, then he considered the words. Arthur braced himself for whatever Merlin was going to say now.  
“Well....”, Merlin seemed conflicted.   
“WAS tomorrow supposed to be a date?”, he turned towards Arthur and had the audacity to sit down next to him.   
Arthur groaned inwardly, but steeled his expression. Like hell he could admit that he had been hoping it could be. Albeit a secret one.   
Right, would it even be fair to drag Merlin into his complicated love life situation?  
Just another reason why Arthur should just die lonely. Not necessarily alone. But lonely. 

Arthur hurt shaking his head. “You heard him.”, he added for good measure. Not noticing the way Gwaine stiffened in confusion. Though there was a hint of satisfaction in the ability to make Arthur confess...  
Confess what exactly?  
Arthur looked up, his face was a stone mask at this point.   
“Apparently, I always play with people who might have an interest in me, because I'm bored and homophobic and genuinely enjoy making people miserable.”  
There was something bitter edge in his voice. It was so distant and cold that he could feel his friends around him stiffen. Gwaine uncrossed his arms. Clearly not having expected Arthur being so incredibly mad.  
Served him right. 

Merlin blinked, looking right at Arthur's cold expression. And through him. Because of course, Merlin was able to dismantle the wall around his heart in a single glance.

“Okay.”, Merlin shrugged and bit into an apple.   
'Okay?', Arthur almost lost his composure.   
“Okay.”, Merlin said again, as if he had heard Arthur's inner dialogue. Then he leaned over the table to rest his chin on his hands, leaning strangely close to Arthur, while keeping eye contact with him.   
“Let's play then. Tomorrow at ten?”, Merlin asked. 

Arthur's expression fell at that. And even Gwaine was rendered completely speechless.  
“What?”, Arthur asked, completely taken off guard. But unable to say no to this. “I mean-”, he was nervous. “Sure?” He received odd looks from his friends yet again. 

“Good. See you then.”, Merlin stood up clapped a friendly hand on Arthur's shoulder and then he left. As if he wasn't leaving everyone at the table with unhinged jaws. 

“I don't think he believed me.”, Gwaine said in defeat, already forgetting to glare at Arthur. 

“Oh, I think he did.”, Gwen muttered. “Ten minutes ago, he asked me why I was dating Lancelot and not Arthur. Like... I think he thinks Arthur likes me.”  
“Well yeah, he does.”, Gwaine frowned. You know, Gwaine. If that were true, this would have been an even bigger dick move than it already was.   
Gwen stared back incredulous. “He does not. Do you?”, she looked at Arthur, who was still staring after Merlin. 

Arthur didn't find it in himself to answer. And maybe that's why – like always – his friends got to the wrong conclusion.   
Well.... Gwen and Gwaine, because they were too far into this and thought there was nothing they didn't know about Arthur. 

Percival and Elyan however, stopped eating and looked at each other with increasingly wide eyes.   
Elyan even dropped his fork, his eyes flipping between Arthur and where Arthur was staring.   
Lancelot just shook his head.   
Because you know... he was Lancelot. Lancelot knew.   
(Morgana was starting to steal food from everyone's plates, cause she didn't give a damn about her brother's love life.)

\--------------------------------------------

“Hey.”, Merlin was grinning, as he stood in front of Arthur's house. It was Saturday. Slightly passed ten in the morning.   
“Hey.”, Arthur breathed as he opened the door.   
To be honest, he had been up since 5 am, unable to sleep any longer. He had spend at least an hour finding the right clothes to wear.   
Because Merlin was fine with the date. Even if it was a game. He was considering it a date!!!  
Then Arthur had been trying to read, but couldn't focus at all. So he decided to watch TV, but he got distracted again. 

Then he had realized he was sweating with nerves and took the second shower after standing up, before changing yet again.   
(He even got into a fight with Morgana, because it was 'her time to shower' and Arthur 'already stole all the hot water.')

Ten minutes before ten (he hadn't even eaten, that's how nervous he was), he had already begun to walk in circles. Stressed beyond believe, because he was sweating again and now he didn't have time to shower AGAIN. Especially, because Morgana was taking a bath, which always took hours.

When ten o' clock arrived, he had a small break down, because Merlin was late and for the entire 4 and a half minutes he was waiting, he was convinced Merlin forgot about their not date/ play date? Or had decided that he hated Arthur and never wanted to see him again. You know... normal anxiety stuff.

“Arthur? Who's at the door?”, a voice echoed from the hallway. Yeah, maybe Arthur should have asked for Merlin's address instead of risking him meeting Uther Pendragon.   
In fact, the moment Uther came into the hallway, wearing a black bath robe with a Newspaper in his hand, Arthur's relieve upon seeing Merlin faded immediately and he paled. Thinking everything was over before it had even begun. 

Merlin straightened his back.   
No wonder. Uther Pendragon had always been intimidating. Even if you didn't know him. Even if he was dressed in a fucking bath robe. And Arthur had only known Merlin for a week, he hadn't been able to warn Merlin about -

“Is that another one of your strange friends?”

Merlin didn't seem faced by that. Not even by the judging glance Uther send him. But he would be soon, Arthur was starting to panic again already.   
“Ah no. Pardon the intrusion. You must be Mr. Pendragon. I'm Merlin. Actually, Merlin is a nickname. My full name is Martin Emerson. I'm new in town. Your son has been so friendly to offer me a tour.”

Arthur blinked in confusion. 'Martin?', he wondered in confusion. What tour? So... Merlin really was a nickname? Wait... did they even HAVE a plan for today?  
Merlin was smiling at Arthur's father. Other than most other of Arthur's friends however, Merlin didn't walk over to offer him a greeting hand. Which would have been a horrible idea, really.   
If Arthur was averse to skin contact, Uther was practically allergic to it.   
Instead, Merlin courtly bowed. As if he was regarding royalty, not a business man in his private home. 

Uther grimaced at that, but in amusement, not with disapproval. All in all, it was a rather positive reaction from Uther Pendragon himself. Rare, those.   
“I see. You seem well mannered, Mr. Emerson. What is your family's standing? Your name sounds familiar.”

Merlin stood there, as if he had expected nothing less. Like this was a test he was well prepared for.   
“Emerson is an old English name. My family trades in historic objects. Our history reaches 1500 years into the past. It's nothing worth mentioning really.   
I just happen to come around many faces of high standing so I know when I'm in the presence of nobility.”

Nobility... that's not a word Arthur would associate with business. Even less so his own father. But his father seemed to like the idea.  
Arthur stared at Merlin. Did he just.... make that family stuff up? Or was that a fact?

Uther smiled, clearly approving now. “Ah, I see my son has finally shown some interest in more interesting company. I was afraid he'd bring another fag into the house.”  
Arthur chuckled and reached for his own neck, where cold sweat had gathered again from his nerves. 

“Oh, I am definitely gay.”, Merlin grinned now, easily wiping off Uther's grin. Arthur groaned inwardly. How could Merlin just.... SAY that? Self preservation was something entirely different!  
Uther started growling. “Arthur -”, he was already starting a lecture. Like Merlin's orientation had ANYTHING to do with Arthur. (That Uther knew.)

“Your son is a really open minded man, I must compliment you.”, Merlin suddenly unarmed Arthur's father.   
“Even though I've been made very clear that he's straight, he has not used his standing to bully me or anyone else at school who is... like me.”  
Now that was the bare minimum, wasn't it? No need to compliment Arthur on that.   
But Merlin seemed to have a plan. 

“Had he not done that, I'm certain there would soon be a Newspaper featuring a scandal of the Pendragon household and their massive intolerance.   
In modern times..... not exactly good advertisement.”

Uther blinked, caught completely off guard.   
“Who knows. Maybe I'll mention him and the Pendragon's wonderful support in my next interview. After all, people start to really love these supportive kind of stories. Maybe if things continue like this, you'll consider investing in our business. It's more profitable than most people think.”

Uther started to fidget nervously. A feat that Arthur had seen no one ever accomplish, while Arthur himself marveled at Merlin's sudden genius.   
How did Merlin manage to make Uther Pendragon uncomfortable by complimenting him?

“Of course.”, Uther muttered. It was like Merlin knew how important status and standing was for him. More important than his traditional thinking at least. It's as if he knew Uther's weaknesses and used a toothpick to dismantle it carefully. And easily.   
“We have always been great supporters of your.... kind.”, Uther suddenly forced a smile. Trying to sound supportive and ended up doing the exact opposite. 

“Emerson, you said?”, he asked and took out his phone to google his name.   
His grin fell about a second later. And Arthur's eyes widened. Realizing that indeed, Merlin must be telling the truth, if his father just found his name so easily. 

“You're....”, Uther paled noticeably. “You're the head of the company? But... you're...”, he stared at Merlin with uncovered fear. 

“Young? I hear that often. I have some experience in the business. I grew up with it, after all.”

“But... the art is worth...”

“It's not just the art. It's about the connections and the trading. I have friends in the Pentagon, did you know that? Good fella's. All very nice. I've done them a few favors. They wouldn't hesitate to grand me almost anything.”

Uther gulped. Not because of the art work. But because of the amount of money these trades came with. And the cultural standing it set Merlin in. “I see. Well then, have fun you two.” He turned around, suddenly very obviously feeling underdressed in his bathrobe. 

Merlin just looked after him, as if he was holding back a ton of laughter.   
“How on earth...”, Arthur huffed out, feeling thrown off a cliff or something.   
“Wanna go?”, Merlin asked and send Arthur a kind smile. 

Oh right. The date. The fake date. That Merlin thought was a game to Arthur.   
That Martin Emerson thought was a game to Arthur.   
Holy fucking shit, Arthur was doomed. The guy could ruin his life in one afternoon. Easily.   
In every way imaginable if he wanted to.

Arthur really wished he had time for another shower. 

“So, er.... where are we going?”, Arthur asked, as Merlin opened the door to a small but seemingly rather expensive car that was parked right at the front gate of the house Arthur lived in. Arthur didn't know too much about cars. But he could tell that the model was pretty old. As it was fancier than most modern cars.

Merlin hesitated as he waited for Arthur to step in before him.   
As Arthur finally realized what Merlin wanted him to do, he hurried to sit down, feeling massively clumsy, as he did so.   
“I told you in school that I'm over 1500 years old and you said you believe me?”, Merlin suddenly bit his lip. 

Arthur blinked. Caught off guard once more. Right... there had been that odd conversation, right. He nodded.   
“Well. I'm not crazy. I'm not just believing that myself. I can show you. That's where we're going.”

Arthur's eyes widened. What did THAT mean? “Huh?” The door closed shut behind him. 

\------------------------------------

Merlin's car was rather loud, which was probably because of it's age. Everything Merlin owned seemed rather old, actually.   
It smelled like leather and Merlin. Which didn't really help Arthur's situation at all. “You're not going to murder me, are you?”, Arthur half joked after about half an hour that none of them had been able to break the uncomfortable silence. 

Honestly, Arthur felt like he was being presented on a silver tablet for a mass murderer.   
Though he trusted Merlin, that didn't shake his personal anxiety.   
Look... he wasn't afraid of Merlin. It was just a feeling he got whenever he entered a stranger's car. And Merlin may not really be a stranger. But Arthur knew there was something about Merlin that had the potential to be just as dangerous.

Merlin chuckled. “No. We're going to the lake of Avalon.”

“A lake? Isn't it a bit cold for that? I don't have anything with me for a swim!”

“To be fair. It's not much of a lake anymore. It's a field now.”, Merlin chuckled as he noticed how nervous Arthur was. Arthur wished he had half the nerves to be as comfortably chill as Merlin was in this very moment. 

“How are you going to proof that you're some old guy anyway? I mean you really don't look like -”

“I have magic.”

Arthur stared.   
Merlin chuckled again. 

“Yeah. I expected that. Look. My real name is Merlin. Only Merlin. And I am THE Merlin.”, he said that like it was the most logical thing anyone had ever said.   
And ironically, Arthur felt his heart quicken at that. Because yes. He fucking believed it.   
“Okay.”, Arthur said confused. Confused at how as matter of fact, his heart just accepted this nonsense. 

“I can show you what the lake looked like, when you lived your past life.”

Now, Arthur sat up straighter again. “My past life?”  
“When you were king Arthur.”  
“THE king Arthur?”  
“Yes.”, Merlin nodded.   
“How are you so sure that's me?”  
Merlin smiled. Clearly satisfied that Arthur wasn't doubting him. 

“Because, the first thing you said to me, was “hold me please.” Now that's a weird thing to say to a guy you just met and who is crying, isn't it?”

Arthur blushed furiously. “That was.... I just had this.... Look -”, he was straightening up, flushing badly and about to explain himself, but Merlin calmed him immediately. 

“I know. It was a memory. We didn't hug often back then. But you died in my arms. Those were some of your last words to me. When you said that, I just.... I knew. You look just like him too.”

Arthur was rendered speechless. 

“Oh, and then you kept guessing things about my appearance. Things that have changed centuries ago. Only king Arthur would remember me like that. I can imagine it's a bit fuzzy, all those images in your head. But they are real memories.”

Arthur nodded and felt like an absolute child. This was so surreal. Arthur felt rather naive to believe Merlin. But he had always trusted his gut. And his gut had never betrayed him.   
And apparently his gut was absolutely besotted with Merlin for some reason. 

Merlin's smiling profile was directed at the road again. Soon they left the well made paths made for cars and drove off into a long cobble stone road that lead them through various fields.   
The entire car shook from the movement. And you could hear the stones crushing under the wheels.  
Merlin rolled his eyes, as he seemed annoyed by it. Then he muttered something and his eyes flashed golden.   
A second later the car was rolling down the road smoothly. 

“What...”, Arthur noticed and turned towards Merlin again.   
“As I said. Magic.”

They remained quiet for a while more. Until Merlin drove off the road and the car came to a halt.   
Again, like a gentleman, he opened the door for Arthur.   
Arthur stepped out, feeling pretty wobbly on his feet, despite the mostly smooth ride.   
Then, almost without thinking, he grabbed for Merlin's outstretched hand to steady himself.   
Which he soon noticed... wasn't letting go of him any time soon.   
Once again, Arthur felt his breath hitch. But he let Merlin lead him into a field that was just grass and nothing else.   
In the distance he could see some kind of tower. 

“This is where I buried you.”, Merlin said nostalgic.   
“How romantic.”, Arthur commented caught off guard by the sentence, making Merlin laugh. Which in turn, made Arthur hold his breath again.

“God I missed you.”, Merlin said and closed his eyes, as if he was trying to savor the moment. He grabbed Arthur's hand tighter, as if to reassure himself that he was actually here. Or to brace himself and find the courage to do what he was about to do.  
Arthur felt strangely out of place.   
But also... like he was coming home, somehow. Everything about Merlin was very contradicting. 

Then Merlin rose his other arm and muttered something else again. His eyes flashed golden and this time Arthur was certain that it wasn't just a trick of the light. 

Because... the most incredible thing happened. Water filled the grassy field. It was rising from nothing, as the wildlife began to bloom around them. In amazement, Arthur stared at the world around him change into something.... different.   
Older. Yet.... familiar.   
In front of him stretched a giant lake. And he could see flashes of fairies and other mystical creatures – if only illusions – roaming the place. 

“What on earth-”, Arthur could only stare. How else was he supposed to react to that?

Merlin smiled at him from the side. Like all this beauty in front of them was nothing compared to Arthur being right next to him.   
Slowly, Arthur turned to him too. “You weren't lying.”, he said even though he never doubted Merlin and Merlin nodded. 

“I love you, Arthur.”, Merlin added.  
And nothing in his entire life had cracked Arthur's heart harder than this sentence right there.  
In the fracture of a second, Arthur felt completely vulnerable. Cracked open, layed bare and ready to be crushed, like it usually happened after moments like these. 

His mouth parted, lips agape, he stared at Merlin. A moment flashed in front of him,   
And somehow he knew. Somehow he knew how he knew Merlin. Where he had seen him. Gotten to know him. Fallen in love with him for the first time.   
Somehow he knew Merlin was a servant. And more than a servant. A friend. Someone who Arthur had always cherished with his soul as much as his heart.   
More than anyone else. And his fear of loosing him had kept them on a safe distance. Always. Because that had always been better than the risk of losing him.   
Be it of his own doing, or those of other people who disproved of them. Arthur had always played it safe in his past life. 

But now they were here. And Merlin just broke that unspoken rule. Their unspoken agreement. 

“And I have waited for your return. Always.”, Merlin added. Arthur tried to ignore the way the wind ruffled through Merlin's hair.   
How was that the least reasonable thing Arthur had heard all day? How did it sound unreasonable, that Merlin waited for him. But the magic thing didn't?

“But -”, Arthur had a lot of ideas how to question this confession. Especially after yesterday. After what Merlin must believe about Arthur's feelings. 

“I know you're not just.... MY Arthur. The way he lived and such. You can't be. Because if you were, we'd have a lot more problems on our hands.”, Merlin looked down. He seemed to guess what Arthur was feeling like a train wreck about. 

“But... I really, really always wanted to tell you. I know you don't like me back.   
I've always known. You love Guinevere. And that is okay with me. I watched you marry her once, I can do that again. All I'm asking, is that you'll allow me to be at your side again. As we always were.   
I waited for 1500 years. If you push me away now...”, Merlin took a deep breath, balled his one hand into a fist and then unleashed it with a deep breath. 

“I will respect it, if you do. Push me away that is. Just... I've been through a lot in all those years and I don't want to spend a single second lying to you. Or waiting to tell you. You deserve to know. Everything. About my past, about my magic, and about my feelings.  
And I don't care, if you're just playing with me till you find someone else. At this point I'll take everything you're willing to give.   
Time is fleeting and I'm scared I'll outlive you again. I know I will. But I don't intend to waste a single moment being away from you. Please. I'm asking for one lifetime to just... stay with you. Talk to you. That's all I'm asking. I won't fight any decision you're going to make about us.”

Merlin sounded desperate. And nobody could fake such old pain in such old eyes. Such old love.   
THAT'S what it was. That's what Arthur had felt when he saw Merlin for the first time in this life time. That's what dropped inside him.   
Something just... clicked. And Arthur was back where he belonged. At Merlin's side.   
Arthur opened his mouth. “I -”, he started. 

Merlin desperately bit his lips and the gold faded from his eyes. The magic dissipated. And the world returned to normal.

“This is a lot.”, Arthur gulped. Merlin bitterly looked down. “I get it. You need time. I can wait.”

Arthur shook his head. And an old voice inside his mind asked: “Hasn't he waited enough? Haven't you made him wait for ten years and then 1500 more, because you were so foolish to be born mortal?”   
His entire body was heating up again. Merlin wasn't lying to him. Arthur knew he wasn't. He'd just gotten all the proof he needed. What on earth was he scared of?

What if...  
What if Merlin had come here with a hidden camera and special effects, just to make fun of him?  
Was Merlin that kind of guy?  
And where would the Camera be anyway? Was he, after all, still messing with Arthur's naive heart?  
Arthur couldn't believe that.   
Nobody could fake Arthur's own emotions for him like this. 

“You really love me?”  
Okay... of all the things Arthur could have latched on to, it was THIS? Seriously? He had to ASK?  
But he couldn't help it. Yes, Arthur had developed a fast crush on Merlin. But to call it love already... He didn't think he was ready for that yet. At least... not out loud.  
But Merlin said, he was okay with everything Arthur could give. Even if everything was a friendship. Even if everything meant nothing at all. 

“For a long time. Yes.”

“In what way?”, Arthur asked, because he was an idiot.   
Merlin laughed. “Every way you can imagine.”, he smiled and tilted his head, as if trying to read Arthur. 

“I don't like Guinevere.”, Arthur finally said. And to admit this.... should have been much easier. So why did Arthur feel so relieved? So nervous? Why did he feel like such a wreck all of a sudden? (All of a sudden my ass. You've been like this for hours, Arthur. It's just worse now.)  
Merlin blinked. As if that... surprised him? Did he really just tell and show him all that, thinking Arthur liked someone else?  
Apparently so, because Merlin chuckled uncomfortably now.   
“Oh well then... Suppose I got that wrong.”, he shrugged. “But, should you fall in love with her or -”

“Merlin, I'm gay.”

Arthur's face flushed beat red. And no... that had never happened before. Neither the getting red nor that strange look he received from Merlin.   
Nor.... that confession itself.   
Arthur's insides burned. He just... came out. For the first time in his life, he told someone how he felt and...  
“And I like you.”, Arthur admitted. Because apparently he was on a high, confessing everything right here and now. Everything that his heart wanted him to keep hidden and simultaneously wanted him to shout out loud. 

Merlin froze. Eyes wide and caught off guard. Tears were welling up in his eyes, like they had the day they met. Only a week ago. 

“You're not lying, are you? Because I can take if you're playing with me. But please let me know you are playing with me, please.”, Merlin asked in utter disbelieve, as he suddenly clapped his hands around Arthur's face again. Drawing him closer. 

“Are you lying about your magic?”, Arthur whispered. 

“How can you even-”, Merlin said in disbelieve and Arthur smiled nervously. In that moment Merlin realized that he wasn't lying at all. Just like Merlin wasn't lying. And that if Arthur could believe the magic thing so easily, then Merlin should have more faith in Arthur's feelings for him.   
Merlin's eyes flickered towards Arthur's lips as if asking for permission. As if he was asking for 1500 years of longing to be over.

Arthur's own hands reached up and grabbed Merlin's hands. Keeping them right there. And then, as if in a split second decision, he moved them over to Merlin's neck to pull him closer, and practically dived into kissing him.  
He couldn't wait a second longer. For the first kiss that truly mattered to him.   
And he could tell that Merlin couldn't either.   
Suddenly it felt like 1500 years of build up frustration was released in a single embrace. Even for Arthur himself.

It was almost comical, how they both sighed into the kiss, as if they had been waiting for this forever.   
Arthur didn't think he could have had such a bizarre moment with any other of his previous crushes. What he felt for Merlin was ancient.   
Older than the notes and the papers and the bag and the car Merlin owned.   
Like a part of his soul had been missing this other half for hundred's of years.   
It opened up memories, he didn't even know he had.   
And he already knew, he would dream of them. And of Merlin in them. 

And he knew they would be real memories. 

They spend the rest of the day like that. Merlin had brought them a picnic and created a fire with magic. It really was surreal, watching Merlin's golden eyes and all the things around them moving on their own and just preparing a meal that Arthur hadn't had in centuries. 

“Say, Merlin. Did I ever give you a royal sigil?”, Arthur asked, as he bit into a sandwich, while Merlin was holding his hand in absolute joy and enthusiastically played with his fingers. Like he still couldn't believe this was real.   
Which was strange, considering Merlin was the one with the magic. 

“You mean this one?”, Merlin asked and pulled something from under his shirt. There it was. That sigil from Arthur's most recent memory.   
“You still have it?”, Arthur breathed.   
“Almost lost it during the war. Which one was that?”, Merlin mumbled and stared at the sky.   
“It got stolen a few times. I think I've killed for it.”

Arthur slowly turned to stare at Merlin. Realizing what 1500 years actually meant.   
What Merlin must have been through.   
How many stories Merlin must have that Arthur didn't know about. And that he desperately wanted to know everything about. 

“What? It was the only thing you gave me and the only thing I was able to keep before Camelot was destroyed. I just.... needed something where I could find you in. Or else you would have been everywhere.”

“What... what does that mean?”, Arthur asked in confusion. 

Merlin hesitated, before he opened his mouth to explain. “Sometimes, when you miss someone, everything reminds you of them. Things you know they would do. Things you know they would never do. What they would like, what they would hate.   
If you let it happen, you'll drown in your misery. Because every choice you make, is with them in mind, without you fully realizing it.   
You never move on. Because the one you miss is everywhere. But you can't ever see them. Like they're always too far away to reach.   
With this, I could ban your image into an object. So I knew where to find you. Always.”

Arthur had not known how to answer that. So he had decided to hug Merlin instead.   
Merlin seemed surprised by the action. Rightfully so, Arthur was surprised himself. Had he ever let anyone this close to him?  
“I promise I won't leave again.”, Arthur heard himself say. 

“That's not a promise you can make.”, Merlin muttered back, as he relaxed into the embrace.

“What promise can I make?”, Arthur asked then. 

“Promise me, you'll stay as long as you can.”

“Isn't that the same promise?”

“It's entirely different.”

“Okay. I promise, I'll do everything in my might to stay with you as long as I'm able and as long as this world will allow.”, Arthur said and felt himself drift off into the bizarre comfort he felt Merlin radiating.   
“Thank you.”, Merlin squeezed him tighter. And if both of them were crying a little, they surely wouldn't tell anyone about it. 

\-------------------------------------------

“Say, Arthur, how was your DATE.”, Gwaine asked on Monday morning on their way to class.   
Arthur had actually managed to stand up. Even though he knew it was Monday. Because he knew he had history with Merlin. 

Arthur gave Gwaine one look, then he smiled a dazzling smile, which must have blinded Gwaine, because he looked like the meme version of “what the fuck?”  
“Good. Good. It was fun.”  
“So, you're like.... together now?”, Gwaine added sheepishly, as if to either tease Arthur or to figure out his deal. He seemed undecided. 

“I think so.”, Arthur nodded nervously. Merlin and him were already closer than friends. Already closer than those pretentious relationships Arthur used to be jealous of. But they hadn't put a label on it yet. Not that he really worried about it.   
In the end, it wasn't about the relationship anymore. Arthur always wanted SOMEONE at his side. Now, he'd rather die than leave Merlin again. What a strange thought. Dying had not been his choice.

He wanted to be cold and angry and Gwaine. But he had spend the entire Sunday text messaging with Merlin.   
Which is a strange contradiction to how silent and meaningful their date went.   
But they had so much fun, that Arthur completely forgot to be brooding. Which he usually did on Sunday's.   
Now it was Monday, and he would see Merlin again and he was feeling ecstatic.

It felt completely different from the times he dated Gwen, or the times he had actually hopes in his previous crushes.   
Because Merlin was here. And they were a thing. And Merlin wasn't scared of anyone.   
And Merlin loved him.   
He was giddy with butterflies, because... yes. There he was. He could see Merlin from here. At the front gate, checking his phone.   
If as on cue, Arthur received a text message that Merlin was waiting for him. 

“You do realize how you look right now, right?”, Gwaine asked, clearly irritated. 

“Hmm?”, Arthur asked and turned to him.   
“You look like you're actually love sick. I thought you were playing with him? Or is that your acting ability. Because honestly, I can't tell anymore.”

Arthur blinked, then he stopped. “Say Gwaine. Why are you so obsessed with this?”

“I don't want you to lead anyone on again.”

“What does that even mean. AGAIN?”

“Come on, Arthur. Don't fucking lie to me. You know!”

“Know what?”

“That you ALWAYS do this!”, Gwaine frowned and he was getting loud. Which truly wasn't like Gwaine at all. Gwaine was supposed to be chill. 

“What are you -”

Gwaine took a deep breath. “I don't think you noticed, Arthur. But each time we get a friend who is somewhat into guys, they're instantly attracted to you.   
And you're being nice and kind and you're supportive and they all think, that maybe you like them back.   
And then you come back in and say you're straight and -”

“Once.”, Arthur interrupted him. Suddenly he WAS as cold as he had wanted to be initially.   
It was enough. It was MORE than enough now.   
He didn't care anymore. He would not, under any circumstances, let anyone doubt how he felt about Merlin. No one. 

Gwaine blinked in surprise. “Huh?”  
“I said I was straight, ONCE.”, Arthur growled.   
Gwaine shook off his irritation. “As I was saying-”, he was about to continue, like that didn't change everything. 

“I said that once, when you asked me in seventh grade. You were going on and on about who was straight and who was gay and you said 'it's weird that guys like guys too apparently'.”

Gwaine frowned. “Why do you even remember that? It was seventh grade! I wasn't out then! I said that because I wanted to know, if you'd support me.”

Arthur heaved a deep breath. Because he knew that. He had known that for a while.   
“ I panicked, Gwaine.”, Arthur said.   
Gwaine stopped in his tracks and blinked at Arthur, like he didn't understand. 

So Arthur decided to explain.   
“Because we were in seventh grade and I was scared my father would kick me out.”

Gwaine frowned. And then his eyes blew wide as the suggestion hit him full force. “Wait -”

“I was fucking terrified. I dated Gwen, because she asked if I wanted to know how relationships worked and I said yes, because I thought it would cure me. I thought I was sick. Or disgusting. And I thought that that's what YOU were going to tell me. RIGHT in my face.”  
Arthur's eyes were unblinking and wide and almost insane as he finally let this out. 

“Wait, Arthur, hold on -”, Gwaine had stopped breathing. 

“Do you know how many times I've had crushes on guys? On my own friends?”

“HUH?”, Gwaine was frantic. But unable to find the right words to interrupt Arthur. 

Arthur's anger was pressing on his tears right now.   
“You say, I'm the one who hurt every single one of the guys I'd ever have a chance with?  
Do you even LISTEN to yourself?!  
You called it damage control the other day. When you went to them and talked them down and told them they'd never have a chance with me.   
They all move on without even asking me out. Do you even realize what damage that did to ME?!”

Arthur stepped closer, making Gwaine back away.   
Okay, maybe Arthur was starting to get loud. They were getting attention all of a sudden. 

Gwaine stared at him. 

“Do you know how many times I listened to you rejecting the guys I LIKED, FOR ME. Behind my back?”, Arthur heaved and Gwaine looked like this was his personal nightmare. 

“You keep telling me how bad I'm reacting to anyone is coming out. Do you want to know why that is? Because I'm fucking jealous that they're brave enough!  
You keep telling me I'm homophobic and that I should get my shit together and it terrified me to even SAY anything.   
YOU of all people should know that people CHANGE. That people realize things about themselves over time. And that they're fighting to get out.   
Did you never even consider that I could be the same?”

There was a pause, as Gwaine looked so genuinely shocked and distressed at the revelation as Arthur had never seen anyone react. 

“I'm gay Gwaine. I've never been anything else.”

And that was probably the final straw that broke Gwaine.   
“I thought you hated me.”, Gwaine breathed out. Shocked and confused. “I -”  
He shook his head.   
“I thought, when you reacted like that... that you genuinely found me disgusting.”, Gwaine said and heaved a breath.   
He locked eyes with Arthur. “You certainly always SEEMED disgusted.”

Arthur shook his head in disbelieve and actually laughed at that. “Gwaine, we have the same fucking type.”  
Gwaine stared. Seriously caught of guard.   
“Wait... so when I dated Simon -”

“Yeah.”, Arthur grimaced.   
“And Allen.”

“Hmm.”

“When I started dating Percy?”

“Don't remind me.”

“You like him?”, Gwaine's mouth hung open.   
“Liked.”, Arthur covered his face in irritation as he corrected him and groaned. That was kind of humiliating.  
“Didn't Percy tell anyone he liked you first? I mean... he lied, but... you couldn't have...”  
“He asked me for permission.”

Gwaine looked horrified. “Holy shit.”  
Arthur looked down. 

Gwaine stared at him for multiple minutes.   
“I'm sorry.”, said Gwaine and covered his face. I just... I really thought – You never corrected me.”

“How could I. With everyone being so convinced I was like my father. With MY FATHER at my back?”, Arthur retorted and heard Gwaine gulp. 

“And what now? What changed?”, Gwaine asked him. Which was reasonable. “That Merlin kid? How did HE – he doesn't seem like...”

Arthur looked up, almost blinding Gwaine with that suddenly very fond expression. “That's.... a long story.”

“Long? How long?”

Arthur turned his head, where Merlin had noticed the ruckus and was finally approaching.   
“I don't think you'd believe me.”, he said, mind momentarily distracted. 

What Arthur could not see, however, was that when Merlin basically jumped down the stairs to be at Arthur's side, Gwaine's eyes widened. And he saw exactly what Arthur meant.   
An idiot could see it.   
The story behind those old eyes.   
Behind those two souls that hadn't been complete in over 1500 years.

**Author's Note:**

> (1) The information regarding this little inside joke shall remain a secret. ….  
> Ok, just kidding. There used to be a jar jar bings toy in life size or smth? It was banned because teenage kids used it for.... well.... masturbation. Which their parents were mortified by. Rightfully so. Don't use toys for masturbation, that's incredibly unsanitary.   
> How I got this information, I wish I didn't know.


End file.
